whatithinkofyou
-APEM NO NOOBS. A HoN blog dedicated to making me giggle.
HoN and Dota 2 – A comparison.
Hey folks, Airwave again. Tonight I wanted to sit down and a have a little chat with you on something that has been bothering me for a while, the differences between HoN and Dota 2.
Nobody has written a half-way decent and detailed comparison of these two games, so I brought it upon myself to do so. I’ll leave my rampant fanboyism and nutsuckery at the door and try not to hit my head as I get up from under Icefrog’s desk. It’s important to note that while I do play DotA almost exclusively, I still love HoN. Even after quitting i’ll continue to play the occasional game with real life friends. It’s a fun game (albeit one with an awful competitive scene and terrible management) that doesn’t get any of the credit it deserves. Heroes of Newerth has shortcomings, so does DotA2, and i’m going to point them out with as little bias as possible.
Gameplay
Both games have crisp gameplay and similar mechanics, but there is one huge difference between how the two games play out, and that’s the pace of the actual game.
The HoN engine encourages speed. Plays happen at a breakneck pace that can often leave a newer player confused, if not downright baffled. While the speed at which things happen can be difficult to follow at first, experienced players and viewers can easily decipher the action and comprehend what’s happening in almost any scenario. Furthermore, a player with exceptional reflexes can often correct a gameplay mistake the moment it occurs thanks to the fast paced HoN engine.
Dota 2 is a bit different. Mistakes are punished harder, while games play a bit slower and more methodically. Due to how easy it is to kill Roshan (Kongor) and push towers earlier in the game, one mistake can completely change the tide of a game. Consequently, teams are averse to taking big risks if they feel the game is still within arms reach. That isn’t to say comebacks don’t happen, but to make a comeback happen it requires more than your average pubtrain or throw coming from the other team. The point is, one reckless play will be relentlessly punished by good players in any game but the effect is greater in Dota 2 when compared to HoN.
While there are other differences between the two games, (animation canceling plays a bigger role in HoN, stacking is unlimited in DotA2 and ancients are unaffected by magic) the speed of the game causes the most noticeable difference. When I’m actively playing both games, I’m often amazed at how much is happening in HoN. It’s a busier game and while I think that gives the game a more exciting experience, I prefer the preciseness of DotA over the rapidity of HoN.
Slight edge: HoN
Visual
HoN has a very clean, distinct visual style. While the game can seem like a clusterfuck of colors to a new player, I personally find it easy to distinguish between skills in the game. The fact that big skills usually have an easily identifiable animation makes reacting easier and decision making quicker (compare epicenter to eruption). DotA, unlike HoN, has a plethora of seemingly ambiguous spell visuals that are very difficult to tell apart. Admittedly DotA’s graphics have grown on me since I’ve started playing, but I still prefer the vibrancy of HoN. In regards to character design (visually, not balance/concept wise) both games have basically similar designs since they’re both iterations of the origial DotA.
Edge: HoN, until they release another weeaboo animu hero like Pearl, who belongs in either LoL or a book about teddy bears.
Hero Design, Release and Balance
Both games have very interesting heroes with creative designs. Most DotA 2 heroes have spent years in the original DotA and have been carefully balanced before being ported to DotA 2, drastically reducing the potential for an unbalanced hero to enter the pool.
Heroes of Newerth has had a tendency to release heroes before being properly balanced, due to their “Early Access” system, which releases a new hero every four weeks and allows players to use real world money (approximately 5 USD) to gain access to the hero before the general public. While I disagree with the system, it does allow heroes to be extensively tested before being allowed in “Tournament Mode” games, though they’re usually broken as fuck for a few months when they first come out.
When it comes to hero design and balancing, there are two major components that differ between the two games and alter the landscape of the metagame accordingly. The first major issue is the prevalence and design of stuns/disables in Heroes of Newerth. In DotA 2, if a hero has an ability that disables an enemy, the ability usually has some sort of drawback or facet that adds depth to the ability. Juxtaposed against the careful balancing and tweaking that surrounds DotA 2 abilities, Heroes of Newerth tends to have simpler, more powerful skills that threaten the delicate balance of a game that can easily be taken over by one character at any given time. Furthermore, there have been times when an unbalanced hero was left untouched for months at a time, either being permabanned or completely unpicked for extended periods of time.
DotA 2’s largest tournament, the Internationals, had 72 of 92 heroes picked, compared to the maybe 30 picked during the last DreamHack event for HoN.
Huge Edge: DotA 2
Competitive Scene
The competitive scene of DotA2 has myriad amounts of sponsored teams from major gaming organizations, such as EG, Col, Dignitas, Quantic, MYM, Na’Vi, M5, Fnatic, Empire, aL, and a bunch of SEA teams. HoN has two, TT eSports and Complexity (we’re not counting Garena HoN, Garena =/= S2). HoNTour has basically usurped the entire competitive HoN landscape so we now have two major Heroes of Newerth events, HoNTour and Dreamhack. DotA 2 on the other hand has the annual 1.6 million dollar Chinese giveaway that is The International, while also having more than enough leagues and cups to entertain viewers. HoNTour is interesting and the presence at Dreamhack is always awesome, but the size and scope of the DotA2 casual and competitive scene dwarfs HoN in comparison.
Edge: DotA 2
Matchmaking/Ranking System:
DotA 2 currently uses a hidden matchmaking system that places players into one of three tiers, normal, high, or very high. Once placed into a tier, you’ll be matched with players who are in the same tier and queuing for a game at the same time as you. Essentially this means that each team has one BR, one Rus, one shitty American and two people who are relatively competent. If you want to fivestack in DotA 2, you’ll enjoy winning every single game for years, because the system will randomly put you up against the next five players that are ready to play, who are usually players solo queing.
The HoN MM system isn’t perfect and it’s easily manipulated, but it’s infinitely better than the approach DotA 2 is using. The only real option for decent players in DotA 2 who want to get better is to find a team of other relatively decent players and start scrimming, or play in the inhouse leagues (which are just as bad as HoN public games).
Edge: HoN
In-Game Cosmetics:
I like that HoN gives you annoying avatars that let you grief your teammates and friends. Chainsaw Moraxus and the “I’m charging whatshisface” Rampage skins are perfect examples of this. Unfortunately, skins like this are the exception and now i’m forced to look at glowing pieces of shit like Futbol Bubbles (I thought that bitch was Midas the first time I saw him) or the entire money grabbing seven deadly sins series (which look like shit, anyway). Now S2 is releasing avatars that cost 25 dollars that look like mother fucking mighty morphing Power Rangers. If anyone wants to spend 25 dollars on some different colored pixels, be my guest, but for five dollars more I bought my HoN account at retail. Oh well, at least in HoN I get to listen to my nigga Duke Nukem tell people they suck balls. On the other hand, DotA 2 gives me shit for free just for playing the game. Can’t beat that.
Edge: DotA 2, cause i’m cheap.
Final Verdict
It’s not even a question that HoN and DotA2 are better than League, seriously, fuck that game. It’s shit, and doesn’t deserve the massive player base it has. Unfortunately, HoN and DotA 2 exist in the same realm of game where nerds think they’re good and people say they fuck your mom on a regular basis. We have to pick one over the other eventually, so…
DotA 2 wins until HoN gets their shit together, stay free HoNTrash.
–Written by guest writer Airwave
Need writers! Phil gets canned, replaced by Milkfat.
Hey all – just wanted to say thanks for all the support you’ve been giving the site. We’ve had over 8,000 hits in just five days. What I need now is some writers who’d like to be a part of whatithinkofyou, as a little diversity in writing is always good. I’d also like to take the site in a slightly different direction in terms of content.
If you’re interested, email honblog@live.com and i’ll be sure to get back to you quick.
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For those of you not aware, Phil “The_Thrill” was fired from his job at S2 as the “competitive commissioner” a few months ago, and replaced by Sam “Milkfat” Braithwaite.
Let’s list some of the qualifications Milkfat has for this new job.
Wait.. what’s this? The list is empty!
That’s because Milkfat doesn’t have any qualifications, unfortunately. The only reason why S2 hired him is because he has a nice looking face and is somewhat admired by the community for his “staying up for 75 hours playing video games” stunt. I’m all for big named fellows stepping up and actually doing something meaningful with their lives, but when it’s at the cost of the Heroes of Newerth competitive scene (which is already in shambles), i’m going to have to put my foot down and say hold on, because I really don’t want another guy with no prior experience working in E-Sports (Phil worked at the GAP before S2) as HoN’s next Competitive Commissioner.
I’ve worked with Sam before, nice guy, but he expects everything to be spoon fed to him. I don’t see how the competitive scene is going to advance if S2 keeps employing unqualified people. We’re already seeing HoNTour crash and burn, what with rounds lasting five hours and forfeit wins given to teams half of the time. Brackets aren’t being updated, and when they are, it’s full of mistakes. A system that’s been in the works for two years shouldn’t have so many errors, and while Milkfat wasn’t there personally to start off the project, he has been at S2 for over two months now, and we’re still seeing these issues pop up on the forums. I genuinely hope he changes his overall attitude and does well in this new position, because god knows this competitive scene needs a good kick in the ass.
Anyway, here’s an unrelated post The_Thrill made a few days ago:
Quote from Phil “The_Thrill” defending himself on the crappy quality of DH streams we get every year: No. I was never in charge of media quality. Dreamhack Winter we tried to use wirecast because we had just hired a new guy and he was unfamiliar with xsplit, spent the whole first day with a crap stream. Dreamhack Summer 2012 we brought Honcast’s actual production team but the Tricaster failed after testing was complete and the entire first half of the first day was spent trying to fix the settings. Either way, those things were never my responsibility.
Yes Phil, you’re right. It wasn’t your job as the competitive commissioner to make sure DH goes smoothly… You should keep hiring people to work on your xsplit stream when they don’t even know what xsplit is ಠ_ಠ
Every year the other MOBA games laugh at us because we can’t get our shit together. Why are we the ones with so many problems all the time? I’m not understanding why S2 refuses to hire people that could get them out of this hole we’re in.
Patch 2.6.25
Six new alt avatars and some minor bug fixes, as well as the release of Bubblerina into EA and Solstice into the general hero pool. No nerfs to heroes, no buffs, and no reworks. Instead, the “anonymous voting” system was put into place, giving trolls an even bigger shield to hide behind.
– All game votes are now anonymous
* The only vote displayed is from the person who calls each vote
With the new system, your chances of passing a kick or remake vote are a hundred in one. Everybody claims they passed the vote, but for some miraculous reason nothing happens. It might be because people no longer feel bad when they downvote a vote, as nobody knows they’re the one downvoting, or it might be because it’s just genuinely funny to say you passed the vote while the other team are bawling their eyes out screaming “plz guys wtf pass remake vote, brown is AFK and we have three people going mid plz FUCK”.
15 minute concedes aren’t even passed anymore. I’ll be going 12-0 with big man solstice with the other team stating “we’re in base, afk until 15 CC”, except their team will always have that one kid on the team that thinks it’s amusing that nobody can tell it’s him downvoting the vote.
And pauses? lol, good luck. People didn’t like pausing to begin with.
Here is the ONE situation where this new system would actually benefit ONE player in a game, while holding the other four hostage:
Blue is playing Mage Bane. His whole team is feeding super hard because MB is a useless hero until the 40 minute mark in a game. The team has essentially been playing 4v5, and they’re tired and want to concede. The vote goes up, but is never passed. Because of the anonymous voting system, nobody knows who didn’t vote it up. They have a good idea it’s MB who’s not passing, as he’s the only one still participating, but there’s nothing they can do about it because the other team won’t pass a kick vote and “not conceding in a totally hopeless game” isn’t against the rules.
I’ve played 15 games since the patch. As an experiment, I attempted to remake every game I played to see how the new system affected remake votes, claiming that one of the players on my team was AFK.
No games were remade.
This is a useless update that just promotes more trolling and bad manners instead of actually fixing the community. Sure, one could say that there’s less flaming going on in the game now, but that doesn’t mean the game is any more pleasant to play.
A summary of what happened during the balance discussion today:
Last Friday we had a HUGE balance patch, which consisted of nothing.
Today, we had a “balance discussion“, hosted by Breaky, Tralf, and Dogkaiser (aka S2’s mentally challenged lead Balance Designer). Let’s see what they had to say.
Blitz – The hero is fine, competitive players just refuse to play him correctly. -Kaiser
Defiler – Nobody likes this hero, so we didn’t buff her. – Kaiser
Pollywog Priest – Ward traps are overpowered, I had to nerf it – Kaiser
Flint – This hero is great. If you get a Geo’s Bane, his illusions will do 16 damage every time the passive procs! -Kaiser
Tralf proceeds to bring up the point that Flint has nothing early game in terms of an escape mechanism, compared to other hard carries like Sil and TDL.
Kaiser responds with: Flint is great in midwars.
Ravenor – Breaky begins by telling us how the words “Ball Lightning” roll off the tongue, and how he just loves the two words put together. Everybody agrees the hero is shit, and Kaiser makes another “but this hero is good in midwars” statement.
Ophelia – Finally, a top tier hero enters the discussion! But wait… what’s this? Another nerf that does nothing?! She only lost one strength and had her agility gain reduced from 2.1 to 1.7, despite being picked/banned in 99% of competitive games. Surprisingly, Tralf got on Kaiser’s case about this one, calling it a “charity nerf” that changes nothing about the hero on a fundamental level. The “balance discussion” starts turning into a real discussion (actual quotes):
DogKaiser: So what would you say makes her overpowered in the current meta?
Tralf: Her ability to gank ridiculously, stronger than any jungle almost, arguably stronger than Parasite while being able to farm just as fast as say Tempest. The ability to do both of those things, gank and farm.
DogKaiser: Her ability to gank effectively and farm so fast is because of her creeps, right?
Tralf responded to this last statement by bringing up how in an attempt to nerf Ophelia through various jungle changes they actually buffed her. Currently, the strongest ganking creep is the Skeleton King because he has a 1.5 second hold with a long cast range and a ranged auto attack. The old problem with Skeleton Kings was that they did basically no damage. Now, after the most recent patch, their damage was increased by 12, from 38 to 50, making Opehlia even more formidable during the early stages of the game.
After that exchange I waited patiently for the conversation to switch to what we all really wanted to hear about, the upcoming changes to heroes like Tundra, Wildsoul, Fayde and Pebbles. So I waited, and waited, and waited, until I realized that we weren’t going to be talking about anything relevant today. Why?
Because it’s DogKaiser, the guy incapable of doing a single fucking thing correctly. How long did it take for heroes like Gemini, Tremble, Drunken Master and Midas to get nerfed? Literally MONTHS, and when he did finally nerf them, he beat them so hard they vanished from the game completely. Even pubs won’t play these heroes now.
Has anybody else noticed Kaiser only has two settings?
Nerf hero to complete shithouse so nobody ever plays it again.
or
Remove 0.1 agility from hero every other week.
After half an hour of listening to these three drable on about microscopic hero changes, we get on to the magic armor change that made the game more complicated than necessary without fixing a fucking thing. Thunderbringer having 6.75 magic armor isn’t going to make that abomination viable, and making Moraxus have .5 less magic armor isn’t going to make the hero any less tanky.
Dogkaiser explained that these changes happened because certain heroes should be less tanky physically and more tanky magically. Presumably this explains why heroes like Empath and Thunderbringer have more magic armor while heroes like Wildsoul and Armadon have less. Except… This doesn’t really make any sense whatsoever. It’s just another annoying metric by which we have to judge heroes by. The DotA genre of games is not an MMO, it’s not Dungeons and Dragons, it doesn’t have different armor classes where certain types of armor protects you better from siege attacks. Seriously Kaiser, if you want to play DnD that’s fine, I don’t care when and where you use your “+1 ring of gargled semen”, but leave it out of HoN’s balancing. It is unbelievably stupid and an unnecessary change.
Thankfully they didn’t waste too much of my time by talking about the inane-as-hell magic armor changes and instead moved onto items.
Brutalizer – The change was pointless because we’re not gonna see the item picked up. It’s a Brutalizer. You’re not getting it for damage, you’re getting it for a stun proc that’s unreliable so you can spam macros about how you just raped somebody’s mom whenever the stun procs.
Nullfire – The recipe cost is 50 gold less. This item is now viable, said nobody ever.
Pickled Brain – Overbuffed, overnerfed and finally in a decent spot. Only took a year for Kaiser to fix it. In the past year you’ve managed to balance one item properly. Good job.
Last but not least, Kaiser talks about the jungle changes. Basically, a lot of numbers got switched around to make it look like something happened. He explained it as “normalizing” the jungle as to prevent randomness in each game. Some creeps had their experience adjusted while others had their base damage altered, but in reality this didn’t make any noticeable changes. Kaiser points out that the jungle change will help all the junglers who take damage while jungling. By my count that’s… one jungler, who goes by the name of Legio. If you’re taking damage with any other jungler you’re doing something wrong.
-Written by guest writer Airwave
You are now leaving: Heroes of Newerth
League of Legends has released a new champion today, Pearl, the Bubble Mage. Lets take a look at her story line.
For eons the Bubble Magi were the greatest defense the Legion had against the Beasts and Demons. Their protective magic circled the Legion cities in domes that kept the enemies assaults at bay. When Maliken’s betrayal came to pass, his agents simultaneously assassinated every Bubble Mage known to the Legion and burned their monastery to the ground. All of them save for one lone apprentice who was mistaken for a mere servant and one pet turtle who had watched his master from afar. Searching amongst the ruins of her home, she discovered her master’s staff clutched in his charred hands. As she took up his weapon, she finally allowed her tears to flow and her determination became clear. She has spent years honing her craft and now Pearl, the last known Bubble Mage has taken to the battlefields to wreck vengeance on Maliken and his demon horde.
Hang on… why is LoL using Heroes of Newerth terms in their lore…?
Oh, that’s right. This isn’t a LoL champion. Silly me. I just naturally assumed it was. It must have been the child-esque design (as in, the person who created this is a child, not the design of the child, stupid fucks) of the hero and its ridiculously silly lore that made me think we were playing LoL. Why didn’t Maliken and his cohorts not kill this little girl? FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
While i’m glad we’re seeing another support hero added into the game that is going to be be used in competitive play (BROKEN AS FUCK, probably won’t be nerfed for four months), I am disappointed we put so much effort into making it look like a LoL champion. The only decent skin this hero has is the one of the old man with a pot belly, which doesn’t make sense. I’m not sure how the correlation between a child and an old man was made, so i’ll guess and assume that somebody over at S2 has daddy issues.
In other news, we got a new Swiftblade avatar. Yay! It only costs $25, just $5 off the original price of this game, but it’s worth the money because you get these cool special effects in game, like the ability to wear a cape. Get your wallets out, mother fuckers. You can now wear capes.
We ARE real food, never forget
Whew, thank god innova pulled us out of that one.
Shamsz – “I love attention…. in my ass”
Frist off, you’re probably wondering who the fuck Shamsz is, and frankly, I don’t know. All I know is that every few months he’ll pop up on the scene and mention the fact that he goes to school, has a girlfriend and goes to the gym five times a day. He’ll then proceed to stir up drama and leap upon the penis of the nearest competitive player (in this case, Tralf) in an attempt for attention.
While I normally don’t approve of dickriding competitive players because your cats don’t give you enough attention at home, you have to give this guy props for the things he’s managed to achieve, like getting Mod on every HoN stream known to man. How he did this, I’m not entirely sure, but if I had to guess it would be visiting streams and saying something like
Shamsz: yo bkid. I know you’re too busy going to the gym all day to moderate your stream chat, so if you give me Mod ill make sure to keep these trolls in line.
Subtle.. but it gets the job done. Somebody swallowed a lot of male reproductive organs (DICKS) to get to where he is today.
As entertaining as Shamsz past is to discuss, we’ve got other shit to do, like talk about how Shamsz can justify the immature trolling of Swindle (read the article I posted before this one) because “the majority of competitors don’t like him”. I forgot that acting like toddlers was allowed as long as it’s for a good cause.
Quote from Shamsz regarding Swindle: Lol, you need to realize the only reason any of this happened is because shadymelonzz runs his mouth talking smack about everyone, I have never flamed him and have actually always complimented him on these forums. I never pick fights for no reason, I don’t have beef with ANYONE who doesn’t deserve it, and I’ve never been shady to anyone unless I was provoked. Swindle wanted to talk **** on me, so I wanted to face him as much as possible in TMM’s to beat him over and over again.
This is the kind of sh*t that swindle does on a daily basis, and is why all the players dislike him. Anyone who has watched my stream – I’ve never **** talked another competitor without being provoked, Swindle does it on a daily basis and that is why the majority of players in the scene don’t like him.
While I could give a fuck about what you competitive players (in this case, Shamsz) do in your free time, going around and flaming everybody you meet (except your “friends” of course, who only put up with you because you suck them off) challenging 1v1s and talking smack is the exact same thing you’re accusing Swindle of, which makes you a hypocritical, insecure adult-baby that needs his diaper changed because of all the diarrhea pooling around your dick, which i’ve heard is the size of a Crayola.
You are now both adult-babies. Well done.
Shamsz quote on dodging a 1v1 he initiated: i alrdy beat the peon in a 1v1, if i wasted my time 1v1ing every scrub who’d challenge me i’d be playing hon as much as swindle and if i did that pretty sure id drop out of school and my gf would leave me 
This is getting a little heated. Lets take a break for a minute and talk about murder. I think we can all agree murder is a bad thing. We’ve all been through it before and it’s generally unpleasant and unprofessional.
But guess who doesn’t feel this way?
Mark “Tralfamadore” Seidl, one of S2’s newest employees, but also one of S2’s most loyal haters (but that was long ago…).
Here’s a quote from Tralf he posted on the forums earlier today.
Quote from Tralf in regards to being called out for trolling with Haxx and Shamsz: Excuse me, but what rules have I broken? I have not asked anyone to troll or throw games. I am queueing to play high rated tmm, what others do is their perogative and if it does violate ToS then that’s their deal. Just because I am friends with some of the players involved does not make it OK to clump me in the mess.
Tralf, this is easily the most retarded thing i’ve ever seen you write/say. Even if this was true, by queing with the people trolling Swindle, you acknowledge what they’re doing, and in turn you become an accomplice when you don’t do anything to fix it, and considering that you’re S2 now, that’s a problem. Whether you participated in the trolling or not, you are now part of this “thing”.
By this logic (your logic, which we can see in that quote), one could easily assume if you watched an actual murder happening, you would sit back, pop a can of Bud Lite and enjoy the show.
Unfortunately, everything must come to an end, which includes this blog post.
XanderK, who is possibly the most useless staff member S2 has hired (he works eight hour days and probably gets a solid 20 minutes of work done), closed the threads where the war between Shamsz and Swindle raged, giving some bullshit statement saying players in the matter were dealt with (translating that into real, non-bullshit talk, they all got together in a Skype chat and giggled like little girls until they were told to do something productive).
All is at peace.
S2 employee and Complexity Gaming members push the dicks further up their asses.
What we’ve got here is a classic game of “who can be the biggest dick of the night”, HoN style.
Tralf, Haxx and Shamsz have been “sniping” Swindle’s stream, basically meaning they’re doing everything in their power to make sure everybody has a bad time. Examples include:
- whispering to Swindle’s teammates, claiming they’ll give them free stuff (AKA sexual favors) if they throw the game
- split queing, attempting to get on Swindles team so they can then throw the game
- sending Swindle explicit sexual messages in an attempt to get him aroused, so that he’s unable to play the game properly
In response to this, Swindle is leaving any game he deems “trolled” by these fellows, which is making it impossible for the viewers of his stream to comment on how big or small his plays are. Normally people would just hop off and go to another stream, but the only thing available at the time was Testie’s stream, and god knows we don’t want to watch him farm a 600GPM Kenesis.
While one must inquire why we care so much about the happenings of these people, we must realize that:
From these bullet points, we can deduct that S2 encourages trolling, coL wants people to play video games for a living, and Shamsz wants to fondle Tralf’s balls.
While I am not entirely sure what I’m getting at here, we can safely note that our competitive scene is in good hands. I sleep better at night knowing that this community is composed of babies, and will always remain in the gutter. Gives me more to write about.
Shit happening this Friday.
I’d recommend everybody throwing their computers out the window this Friday. Save your sanity now before it’s too late. Here’s what’s happening.
Useless Patch:
Like every weekend, we receive a “balance patch” that has a myriad of changes in it. Except these changes do nothing, because they are so miniscule you wouldn’t notice them even if they were shoved up your ass, twisted, and then ripped out with the speed of a cheetah and the force of a hurricane. I for one look forward to the fourteen alt avatars they’re going to release this Friday, as asking teammates in-game “what hero is teal playing?” never gets old.
HoN Tour:
Let’s face it, it’s probably going to be a complete flop again. They’ve been working on the client for over two years, but somehow managed to fuck things up so badly their MM servers crashed for half the day. Wtf? Now the poor little kid in Africa that can only use the computer once a month because he shares it with the other 142 people in his village can’t play because of HoNTour’s collapse. This is on you S2, you cocksucking monsters.
Because of the fuckup, they’ve decided to delay HonTour a week, so that our first games fall on Halloween. Now I’m being forced to pick between playing video games or going outside to admire the 16 year old sluts that are wearing very revealing bunny outfits that look nothing like a bunny.
Solstice:
This mother fucker is going free this weekend. The hero is almost as broken as Gemini before he got hit with the nerf bat, turning him into one of the most useless heroes in the game.
Did you know that at level 7, with just steamboots, Solstice can do over 800 damage in two seconds?
Step 1: Press W in the general direction of the enemy.
Step 2: Press Q, target the enemy.
Step 3: When you stun your target, channel your ult then instantly release it (does 200 damage and slows for 50% for 3 seconds if you release instantly).
Step 4: Auto attack until that bitch is dead.
This whole thing only takes two seconds to execute and boom, you’ve got a kill. Go mana up and do it again in another 60 seconds until you get bored. As a player with over 100 games with solstice, averaging a 89% WR, I know what the fuck I’m talking about. If you send this hero mid, you will win the game.
He’s sort of like Pebbles’ and Magmus’ baby, but on crack cocaine and steroids.
Bubblerina:
We had a two minute hero spotlight today. It seems as if S2 is being forced to cut back on some of their funding because they spent over $200,000 on their new HoNCast studio. Props to The_Thrill for putting that number out. I’m glad the money I’m spending on Gold Coins is going towards Tralf’s hair products and Breakys obsession with Kentucky Fried Donuts (donuts made with chicken inside of them).
Happy Halloween mother fuckers.
Yumstix` – “I am living in a tank full of unwanted baby organs”
Welcome back…. slaves. Every day we take a forum member from the HoN forums and write a bunch of shit that makes us giggle. Let us commence.
I’m not entirely sure what I don’t like about this guy. It may be the fact that he’s from [CM], quite possibly the biggest joke of a gaming company ever (perhaps tied with complexity gaming, where they have a stream to watch streamers stream in their bedrooms), or the fact that he’s Australian. Not that I have any prejudice against Australians though. I am not a huge fan of their men (body builders, ergh, I heard they’ll drink their own semen because it makes their skin shiny or something), but I think their women are lovely. They’re adorably cute and have little dimples and freckles and perky little tits that just make you want to scream FUCK because you’re overwhelmed by their sheer presence. But I digress…
Let us take a look at this guys’ avatar.
I am not quite sure what I am looking at, but I am pretty sure it is an animated rodent, of the squirrel nature. I am not an expert in animated squirrel pornography, but from the looks of this picture it seems as if the squirrel is about to take a fat one (as in, penis) to the mouth region. If you examine closely, you can see that there’s already a bit of something in the squirrels mouth… Maybe he’s going for seconds.
While understanding that childhood traumas like watching your parents have sex in your bed while you’re trying to sleep because you live in a one room apartment might happen, I’m not sure if that justifies the animal porn you display publicly that we are all fully aware of now.
Let’s do quotes.
Quote from Yumstix` on the scheduling of HoNtour being bad for US citizens: No one is entitled to anything other then the game itself. You are a customer, not a priority share holder. I will likely be unable to play many of the games as well, but I’m not gonna sit here and preach about how they need to change it all. In the end, people are going to lose out, no matter what. You’re just pissed off because for once in a blue moon, it’s you that is missing out, instead of the rest of the world.
*knock knock*
Cal: who’s there?
America: it’s me, America. We got the time changed.
*breaks door and delivers a shitstorm of anal raping in Cal’s general direction*
America: That’s the last time you disrespect us motherfucker.
In case nobody was aware, HoNtour is now only Saturdays and Sundays, beginning this weekend. The only reason why I’m signed up is to collect the 300 coins they’ll be sending my way after they fuck up again.
Don’t worry new skin… I only need 2700 more coins to go.
Hamcake – “I collect S2 semen in hopes to make my very own S2 baby when I finally get a girlfriend”
What’s up mother fuckers. Welcome to the first installment of whatithinkofyou – HoN forums style. Every few days we’re going to single out one mother fucker from the HoN forums and write whatever we feel like is on our minds in regard to that mother fucker.
Who’s first up? Hamcake, the S2 fanboy that loves it up the ass and might possibly be Australian. Not sure who i’m talking about? This picture of a bulbasaur might jog your memory.
Now, I know you might be thinking, XX_LORD_OF_THE_UNIVERSE_XX, what has a bulbasaur that looks half stoned have to do with Hamcake?
Nothing. You mother fuckers need to learn that not everything is about you, or Hamcake, or S2 – it’s about getting back to your roots and understanding that bulbasaur is a LEGIT FUCKING KILLING MACHINE. The direction Pokemon is going right now just has me mindfucked:
This is a legit pokemon in Black/White – i’m not sure of its name but if I had to hazard a guess it would be… Vanillacone.
Go Vanillacone… use your… melt ability..?
Anyway, back to this nerd kid that we’re actually writing about:
Earlier today, I was minding my own business when *POOOOOOOSH*, I get hit in the face. But not with fists or dildos, but with words posted on the forums that made me want to twirl like a ballerina into a volcano.
Quote from Hamcake on HoNTour: They have been testing this for months. They would only go forward with the project when they were satisfied that it was functioning totally correctly.
So this mother fucker is up in this “QQQ hontour sucks harder than walrus anal” thread claiming that S2 would only release HoNTour once it was fully functional. Ergo by this logic we can deduce that HoNTour was SUPPOSED TO BE A COMPLETE FUCKING DISASTER.
Of course, since Hamcake doesn’t work for S2, we don’t know S2’s real intentions, but Phil “i lost my job so i’m going to be really passive aggressive to people on the forums” Haller comes in with a golden nugget pearl of informative wisdom.
Quote in reponse to Hamcake saying the retarded thing mentioned above: I don’t want to go into details because I’m not sure what is or is not covered under the NDA I signed, but I will just say that this portion of your post is incorrect.
and then hamcake responds with: No it isn’t
Now that I read back over my writing, i’m not entirely sure what is going on (it’s probably all the cocaine i’ve been putting on my eyeballs [it gets you high faster]), but I think at the end of the day we can deduct that HoN Tour was supposed to be a complete disaster, Phil is really butthurt over losing his job, and that Hamcake knows more than the guy that worked on HoNTour personally.
Anyway, to conclude our first post, I don’t think Hamcake has ever posted something that doesn’t ride S2’s bottom like a lion trying to kill a deer but accidentally putting his dick inside of said deer and producing liodeer babies.
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